Melanie Maddison

  • Finding Form again

    There are times in our lives, where we need some little reminders to feel ourselves in time and place. Those are the times where the thoughts of our mind have taken over, the breath shallow, the anxiety rigged up a few notches and the body an after thought. Theres a qaulity of numbness, you dont quite know what to do with yourself and yet the body is irritated. Its quite a common place feeling in our busy modern lives, of many requests on our being, it can make you also feel fragmented, as if your here but not.

    As if by magic , yesterday I found a lovely timely prompt and exercise ,(see, Facebook can be a good thing to and not just a procrastination tool), from Author Oriah Mountain Dreamer, in it she suggests writing through a seires of prompts starting with : I see, I hear & I feel.

    Right there and then start with five statements for each, exactly where you are, noticing and sensing all around you. Keep going and work you way through until you have reached only one statement for each.

    It doesnt have to be written down and you may find a difference in only the first five statements, you could try this anywhere you are. Its almost like a living meditation, which often at these junctures, can be a seemingly impossible task!

    Below I share mine, I found it quite quickly alleviated a few days worth of anxiety around a very important family members critical health. It allowed me to come "back into the room" and be a further support for others, (mainly my little folks of the house)! It may not take away any of your challenges, this is not to remove anything you perceive, but allows you to meet it all with a more centred presence.

    How do you feel once youve completed it?

    5

    I see

    I see the orange glow from one of my favourite lamps and its shade - the orange is comforting and nurturing

    I see a hearth full of photos of young marrieds love and possibility

    I see warmth and comfort in the rug below me, its shagginess under my feet

    I see a large wooden Chinese cabinet , holding memories and photos of our life together already.

    I see potential to cleanse and get rid of things, to bring in the new, to hold inside treasured spaces

    I hear

    I hear the humming of my youngest, in her happiness and flow

    I hear the whooshing of cars as life moves outside my window

    I hear voices sharing and communing beyond the glass and protection inside

    I hear the tapping of my computer keys as I write this

    I hear the scroll of a wheel on a wooden floor, as my youngest makes herself comfortable

    I feel

    I feel the warmth of the comforting sofa that I sit on

    I feel the nesting of the floor below me

    I feel my back asking me to take off the shackles off all the responsibilities

    I feel my pinched neck reminding me to allow soothing

    I feel my tightness in my body saying be here, allow rest.

    4

    I see

    I see the wallpaper that I so love, the design and the colours combined

    I see the velour of my favourite chairs that I waited so patiently to receive

    I see the colours of the blanket from my children that enveloped me today

    I see the glow from my computer beckoning connection and life

    I hear

    I hear a cough from my eldest as she sits tuned into her world

    I hear the vibration of electrics telling me something is turned on

    I hear my nails tap on a key as I sit here listening to what I hear

    I hear the deep bell of an email telling me theres more information ( I can choose to not connect)

    I feel

    I feel the breath rising to meet my throat

    I feel the breath bring me to my heart and my emotions

    I feel my hip telling me tis ok to revive and fill up

    I feel my arms ache a little at doing this exercise and writing and writing

    3

    I see

    I see cushions leaned on in rest

    I see the dark screen of my TV and enjoy the peace

    I see the arms of my eldest around me as I type

    I hear

    I hear my daughter needing comfort

    I hear her sighs and her pains

    I hear my youngest asking questions , wondering whats my eldests next move

    I feel

    I feel my hip shouting louder, perhaps its time to change position (in more ways than one)

    I feel the weight of my eldests head on my shoulder, seeking , gaining

    I feel the warmth of her breath on my hand as she watches me type these words

    2

    I see

    I see love coming towards me and flowing out

    I see gentle glow

    I hear

    I hear sad sounds needing direction

    I hear sniffs needing tissue

    I feel

    I feel fullness in my chest cavity

    I feel my body further than my mind

    1

    I see

    I see tired needing sleep

    I hear

    I hear pleads for peace

    I feel

    I feel arms wrapped in arms, daughter mother sharing love

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  • A moment

    The feel of the gauze as I held its light pyramid pouch in my palm

    The thrum hum frenzied bubble of the kettle as it’s loud bustling swoosh gets quieter after the click of the boil button flicks up

    I take a deep inhale as I held the bag close to my nose

    A woody earthy vapor

    The little filament heads of the flower, feeling ancient, old & rolling around in the fabric. I almost don’t want to pour hot water over it; they feel precious and special, like specimens in a draw, in a museum.

    I turn and turn and turn it again, the pouch, watching the fluffy little pods of gold and mustard tumble and tumble, like my thoughts they swish and jumble, falling in on themselves, meshing. Bits fall off forming little clumps together of tiny gold lines.

    I feel the cool sharper edge of the cup

    The smoothness of the surface against the soft palm and fingers

    & Take one last look at the sachet

    Dry and shimmering under the kitchen lights

    Waiting for the liquid to pour over it

    The pouch now twists and turns.

    The once tiny pods blister and puff up and drench in the steaming golden almost fluorescent like water

    Expanded, filling the space they’re contained in and floats to the top

    Still, save for the very slight slithery line of bubbles, which pop from the aerated poured liquid, meeting the edge of the pouches surface

    The yellow straw liquid deepens in shade

    The heat rises like a waft to touch my cheek and then my nose

    I am briefly still, too

    Quiet, my left cheekbone resting on hand

    Mirroring the angle of the tea bags, now stationary spot in the mug.

    Melanie Maddison October 2014

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  • Processing the creative

    Yesterday I succumbed to the fire place indoors, I just couldnt get chill out of my bones!

    Yes winter clothes & fires in July!!!

    This week I've been guided to natures hearts, the elements, Freda Kahlo (channeling her quirky visions) & even my pasta's been giving me the eye!! All in a quest to answer visual pauses in my painting for a special commission, I've been quietly looking for signs! This piece will eventually fly to a wonderful soul in Texas!

    Every now and again imagery stumps me & I'm unable to complete a piece, I know it doesn't feel right & yet, I don't yet know what wants to be seen! Im then challenged to stay in pause mode (& try not to panic), to feel into which direction to go in: I know something important needs to be expressed visually, but what that is,hadn't been seen or felt yet. Sometimes there are no answers stepping forward for days or weeks! (& I resist going to the studio)! Other times there's a cacophony of sights & I have to get quiet enough to zone in on how to proceed. I then hold that image until I can get in front of my canvas!

    I've learnt to know how it feels if the answer to the next stages is the right way,because I know how strongly it feels in me when something is amiss: remember when I mentioned avoiding the studio.........that!!!

    However when the eureka moment hits, I get a sudden burst of energy and drive to go do the changes that are being guided. The imagery starts to flow again and Im itching to get going! I've also had to learn to not be as precious about previous marks made (yikes it was hard at first) & several times I've had to block something out & go straight over!

    How do you navigate these seeming impasses?

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  • Coming out

    I am a feather collector, (thank you Amy Oscar for Soul Caller) a spirit seer & a symbol decoder.

    I am also a Soul artist.

    If Id written about this in, say 1620, I probably would have been burnt at the stake as a witch! Randi Buckley beautifully explains it via Kathleen Prophet’s (an embodied Artist) blog. Alongside this are four other wonderful women’s experiences of being modern day “witches”.

    Through these stories, & another wonderfully brave sharing in one of Kathleens "Remebering the witches" series is Laurie Ronsenfield, Ive been led to a documentary called “The Burning Times” by Donna Reed.I stayed up till 1:30 am this morning watching it, so moved as I was. In it is discussed the “holocaust” of millions of women with the same abilities & interests as mine, of which I’m about to "come out" about!!

    Today though, we're not burnt physically, but in some circles, we may be “burnt” socially. It’s taken a long path to be able to write this, for a long time I haven’t been able to write in any blog space for being frozen at the threshold of the next steps & with this,I now lay my fears bare. Will I be burnt at the stake of social exclusion & derision, deemed a weirdo or just plain nuts? Perhaps! No matter, I am what I am and in sharing a truth of mine, may others feel more moved to share.

    I declare here ; I am a seer and a healer, I’m into green drinks (of herbs and green veg , not eye of newt) and yoga, meditation and Power animals. Im not a puritanical fanatic about it ; I do eat French fries & chocolate . Im fascinated by the power of herbs , Taoism, Buddhism, Sanskrit & well just my sacred inner knowing really & listening carefully to what my heart has to say. I have clairvoyant, clairaudient, clairsentient & clairknowing abilities, oh and I speak with Angels, guides and the “passed over” too!!! I’ve been studying much of this in one form or another since I was a teenager, I have been part of circles and have sat in séances; I have trained with other long term seers too and my late grandfather was also a healer. The intensity of study increased through a need to heal from chronic illness of which you can read more about in my About me section (& theres many others in my development & healing that I will write about in the near future). I don’t list all this here as a way of being honored, just that Im coming to a place of just what is, as fact. I am not the only one and Im not chosen, I have a feeling the majority of people have these abilities, of seeing and sensing, but like all life and free will, their free will is to not work this way in this current life, that is unless you desire to?

    Over the years others have labeled me a goth, a grunge rocker, (& only because I had a penchant for ripped denim and black leather) a hippy, a bit different, out there, a “bit earthy”, a white witch, witchypoo & all manner of things. All of these names, at their source of origin, where once revered titles of radical 60s revolutionaries, wise sages and deep knowing souls, village keepers if you will, in myriad communities through the world.

    I am Jewish by birth and tradition, what we call a “Hamisha” girl. A Jewish flavoured soul perhaps in this current incarnation (& that’s material for a whole other post) but I am not guided by the religious doctrines, but that of values in family, tradition rituals & gratitude for what we have both materially and non.

    All of this exposé has also been spurred on very much by the same brave disclosure by Tracey Selingo for her launch of her new what I call cultivating development space and online circle; "Shift Option Save", of which I am part. Like Tracey, it seems now that Im not as bothered by the labels, unless I use it to define and narrow my own experience & Im not. I LOVE what I do in my studio and all the work leading up to this moment, even if its been messy!!! These circles of feminine energy now coming together worldwide and online, empower each other and ourselves.

    With my artwork I am drawing others and myself towards an inner sacred self, the messages and images allow others & myself to be seen and heard & guided towards the power held within the mind, body and soul. A power animal reading and drawing for example will show you the possibilities held inside yourself. Within the symbolism of each animals personality are qualities that you can embody yourself or rather tap with a little more knowledge what’s already there. The animal is merely a representation of that albeit in a Zuni Fetish Inspired way.

    In my art journal I study visually, mystical experiences, joyous life moments & shadow work. Basically what arises in my experience, whatever that may be. Through automatic writing (often overlaid over my drawings) I am able to realize how to move through that experience, especially helpful if it happens to be something in the lesser known parts of myself.

    What comes through me is NOT ME being delivered over, it is information passed through me, I am merely the vessel for whoever is required to have the message, including myself. The wisdom I impart via the words on my work is the wisdom through higher self, guides, divine, spirit, angels & universal energy. Call it all whatever makes you feel good.

    I did this heart piece pictured here in remembrance of my aunt Mary Taylor. Its only at the beginning stages but in it denotes the energy of a formidable female, a strong, kind & fierce hearted women. She survived life threatening cancer for 10 years , out doing all odds and left her embodied existence earlier this year. She stood for courage, power, positivity and the authority of her own self.

    This is what this image represents for me now, today and what I wish to embody as I start to own and say out loud (or out on my blog) what Im about. Which, in my art and the words that come through beyond me, (& sometimes what the mind cant yet comprehend, but through soul call work can more easily decode), is also a way for me to move through my own fears, owning myself, accepting what comes.

    The funny thing this morning as we closed the front door for school run and I was just telling my two girls about this blog disclosure later today, my 6yo handed me a fresh feather from the ground, covering my fingers in fresh red blood, icky I know & I almost didnt write it, sorry squemish ones, but it didnt bother me then. I knew it was part of the journey, because today after the film, for me it was a HUGE message, saying to me that this is the way, the fresh way!!!

    What do you need to do to be true to you, accepting who you really are?

    Where can you harness your possibly long forgotten inner feminine power and energy?

    Id really love to know your journey to here too.

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  • Move me

    Its only Tuesday night and a wealth of things have moved and stirred me this week, such beauty in those who share themselves and their inner world. I wanted to share them with whomever comes to my new space here , spread the light out that has touched me.

    You have got to look at this teeny little amazing and brilliant girl! The lovely Julie Gibbons shared the link via her blog a few days ago & weve all been utterly mesmerized in my house since. Astounding artist that she is at 5, the same age as my youngest, who stated three times as we watched ,"I want to be like her" !!

    Oh & speaking of Julie Gibbons, if you want a few minutes of pure auditory soul bliss, watch her short but special vlog from today on the preciousness of solitude.

    Now last but in no way least is a very deeply heartfelt poem ; "ode to the end of the world" from "Soul Caller" Amy Oscar as a guest on blog - bentlily from Samantha Reynolds, (which Im yet to learn more about) , dedicated I believe to different poems,by a different author daily.

    I think I may make this a weekly post come to think!

    Nothing better than sharing what goodies I come accross, Its what sparks my days, I hope it does yours too?

    Night for now

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